What DIDN'T happen today...

Today is supposed to be, next to Christmas morning or a Charlie Sheen webcast, the greatest day of the year.....the first day of NFL free agency. Right about now, I should be hitting 'F5 on nfl.com to see who is coming to Winter Park, who is rumored to be coming to Winter Park, and who I WANT to come to Winter Park. I remember when message boards were still kind of a novelty, staying up past 3 AM the year the Vikings signed Antoine Winfield, and when (I think it was him) Kevin Seifert confirmed that Mike Tice got a buddy of his to send a jet to New York to fly Winfield to Minnesota, then and only then, did I allow my vigil to end.

But....no, there will be none of that today, because of the labor strife. Thanks for kicking us in the collective junk, NFLPA and owners.

But what I can do is provide a list of players at the biggest "need" position for the Vikings had free agency began today..... quarterbacks. And then I can determine which unrestricted free agent, if any, will send a thrill up my leg. Let's break it down......

Kyle Boller (Oakland): No. He was terrible in Baltimore, terrible in St. Louis, and I had no idea he was even signed by the Raiders.

Todd Bouman(Jacksonville): Can you see Bouman coming back here? I can't.

Marc Bulger (Baltimore): I think Bulger is the best of a mediocre lot, but he sees more shadows than the kid in The Sixth Sense. Bulger had some very good years in St. Louis, but with the Vikes' questions at the offensive line, I don't know that he would be anything better than the 2007 or 2008 versions. You know, the guy that got benched for Kyle Boller.

Kerry Collins (Tennessee): He was the conductor of 41-doughnut in 2001 NFC Championship Game. Screw him.

Kellen Clemens (NY Jets): I remember when the Jets made a draft day trade and moved just ahead of the Vikings and drafted Clemens in 2006. And I remember how a segment of the Vikings fan base was pretty upset about it. Yes, yes it WAS an over reaction.

Todd Collins (Chicago): Oh HELL no.

Brodie Croyle (Kansas City): I'd rather take my chances with Joe Webb.

Charlie Frye (Oakland): See Collins, Todd.

Rex Grossman (Washington): Ah, Rex the Wonder Dog. Just when I think he's done, he goes off for 300 yards and 4 TD's and I think, "you know, maybe". And then I remember how bad he was in Chicago, and I quickly come back to my senses.

Matt Hasselbeck (Seattle): If Hasselbeck's back could hold up, he's an intriguing option. He still has some talent, and could put up some big numbers with Rice, Percy, and Shiancoe, which are big upgrades to what he had to throw to in Seattle. But I think the first time he bent over center he'd throw his back out, and it would be a moot point.

Tarvaris Jackson (Minnesota): I think it's safe to say that if TJack comes back to Minnesota, the Libya protests will look like a backyard cook-out compared to the wailing and gnashing of teeth we will see in Vikingland.

Matt Leinart (Houston): I thought Leinart was going to have a good NFL career. Which, coincidentally, is reason # 6,407 you should never take anything I say or write seriously.

J.P. Losman (Seattle): No.

Luke McCown (Jacksonville): No.

J.T. O’Sullivan (Oakland): For the Love of God, no.

Chad Pennington (Miami): If signed, Pennington would become the first quarterback to make an NFL roster with only one arm following successful amputation surgery in the off-season. What's that? It was just his 312th shoulder surgery? Oops, my bad.

Patrick Ramsey (Minnesota): Quick...what was YOUR favorite Patrick Ramsey moment?

Chris Simms (Tennessee): Seriously? I'd rather sign his dad....

Alex Smith (San Francisco): Intriguing option, but with Mike Singletary on the Vikings coaching staff now, I don't see Smith interested in coming here. Part of me thinks Smith could be good, but part of me thinks he's marginally better than Tarvaris Jackson.

Jim Sorgi (NY Giants): Uhhhhhhhhhh, no.

Brian St. Pierre (Carolina): If you can't beat out Jimmy Clausen, I don't want you on my football team.

Billy Volek (San Diego): Probably my third pick behind Bulger and Hasselbeck. That's still not saying much, but hey, he's third!!

All said and done, I might be more interested in a trade for either Carson Palmer, Kevin Kolb, or Donovan McNabb...yes...in that order. However, I don't want us giving up too much for any of them. Specifically the 1st round pick. Might be the year the Vikes go QB with the 12th overall pick....Cam Newton or Blaine Gabbert anyone?

2010-2011 NFHell Season...

I apologize for flat out skipping on blogging during this past season. With the birth of my first child and the added responsibilities at my job, I just never seem to get that peace and quiet I needed to let my feelings be heard. This past year started out incredibly. The Vikings came within a breath of a Super Bowl appearance and even though the season ended in heartbreak, it gave me something to look forward to (Or so I thought). Then two months later, the birth of my daughter. Wow, easily the best day of my life. The emotions you go through that day are just overwhelming. Wouldn't trade it for anything. And then, despite all the years of heartbreak as a sports fan, my Chicago Blackhawks rewarded my perseverance with a Stanley Cup. The rest of the summer was spent enjoying the company of my little girl, being grateful I didn't have to grow that ridiculous playoff beard anymore, and planning my first to trip to the Metrodome.

Then the 2010 NFL season began. I find it poetic that in a lost season of blogging, the Minnesota Vikings season really did turn out to be...well...lost.

I heard somewhere a few years ago that whenever you have a tough calender year, one way of ridding yourself the burden of the previous year is to "kill it with fire." Simply toss that year's calender into a fire was supposed to symbolize that we can forget about what's behind us. Give us energy to face what was on the horizon. What's done is done. Pick up the pieces and move on.

And so it is with the 2010 NFL season for me as a Vikings fan. What began with such promise ended with an indifferent loss to Detroit in the season finale. In between I was asked to face a variety of issues--The Hip That Wouldn't Heal, The Secret Flight of the Three to Make Four, The Prodigal Son Returning, Wishing said Prodigal Son Would Go Away, Chilly's Firing, The Vikings Becoming Homeless, 1-5 in the Division, and...well... I'm sure I'm missing something. Now that I've had time to decompress, I think most Viking fans should file for disability, because if you're not suffering from a Vikings induced PTSD, then by God, you're not really a fan of the Purple and Gold. And with the lockout and stadium fight looming, it's not over.

The phrase 'that which does not kill you makes you stronger' keeps rolling around in my head, but I don't know why.

But I am a Vikings fan. I keep my chin up and move forward into the fire.

But c'mon, Lord, could you let up on me just a little? Did you really have to put the Bears AND the Packers in the NFC Championship?

Really?

Really. The conference championship games are, for me, such a perfect storm of shitastic that I really think my football season has already ended. I've been beaten into submission. The AFC has the Steelers-Jets. Pretty sure my feelings towards the Steelers need no explanation whatsoever. They are the NUMBER ONE reason I considering moving out of state. That's right, not a career move, not for family purposes, because of the Pittsburgh Steelers. That's a hate nobody can ever understand. The Jets? Let's put it this way. If Rex Ryan was the Vikings coach, I would love him. LOVE him. But he's not. He's the Jets coach. Never really liked the Jets, can't really stand New York anything, so it's easy to hate them and their brash trash talk. Who am I pulling for then? Give me the Jets while I hold my nose.

Well, it's time. Time to talk about what I don't want to, but must.

That game. That. Game. With those teams.

God. Damn. It.

Packers v. Bears. Historical blah blah blah. Franchise quarterbacks blah blah...excuse me while I throw up and then roll around in it. Two great defenses blah blah blah.

Here's my best case scenario. The Bears beat the Packers in the NFC championship, and then the Jets blow out the Bears in the Super Bowl. And for any fans that will come on here posting about "you should cheer for the NFC North", I say no. If it was the Lions, yeah, I'd cheer for them. Their fan base is more tortured than a victim of the Spanish Inquisition, so I could get behind them. But not the Bears, and especially not the Packers. I hope they both lose Sunday, and I would rather the NFC North be perceived as the NFC West before I ever see those teams in the NFC Championship again.

Because understand this, and let me make this clear: I hate three of these teams. Well, I do. I respect them, and the accomplishments of the teams are to be acknowledged, but I will never cheer for them unless doing so would somehow benefit the Vikings. And I would hope, as fans of the Bears, Packers, and Steelers you can appreciate this sentiment, and would reciprocate. When you watch the games on Sunday, watch knowing that I am in NFHell, and you can rejoice in that. Because one day the Vikings will scale the mountaintop, and I promise you, I will rejoice knowing you are in your own NFHell.

It's not personal, it's football fandom.

My Dad asked me last night if I was going to watch the NFC Championship game on Sunday.

"Well", I said, "I can't cheer for that bitch or that baby, so I don't think so."

"Who's who, Son?" he asked.

"Rodgers is a bitch, and Cutler is a baby, but it's pretty much interchangeable at this point."

Good luck to both teams. I hope you both lose.

As for possible Super Bowl match-ups and my viewing plans? I can put it to you this way, if the Jets aren't in it, I'm not watching.....

Oh, one more thing. I'm off work today and on my way outside to burn some boxes that I have piled up in my basement. Will I burn my 2010 calender along with it? No, how can any year when your child was born be bad? I saw my favorite hockey team win the Stanley Cup in 2010. I made my first trip to the Metrodome this past year, and even though they lost that game, it was quite the experience. So no, I'm not burning...wait, I have a 2010 Vikings calender of events I was given at the home opener...hmmm....

Anyone got a match?