NASCAR!! As I'm sitting here waiting for one of the most anticipated races of the year, it occurs to me that unless I wanna drive an hour to Ohio I'm goin to be watching the race by myself. That's right...other than some of my family (okay..just my brother), I don't really have any friends that enjoy NASCAR. Sure my fiance will tune in once in awhile (In the hopes of catching her dream boy Carl Edwards doing a backflip off his car), but other than that I'm usually watching the race by myself. I've heard many of excuses as to why people I talk to don't like the sport. Everything from, "They just turn left the whole time" to "It's a redneck sport"...by the way, a majority of my friends are rednecks...hmmm?? So, I give you all now some of the reasons why I love NASCAR.
1) Patriotism. When the national anthem plays, the fans are all standing and singing. People remove their hats, cover their hearts and NO ONE is saying anything but the lyrics of our national song. Also, the military flyover before each race gets just as much of a cheer as anything that occurs on the track.
2) BYOB. Hey, who can disagree that it's a good thing for the tracks to allow people to bring their own food and beverage?
3) Scanners. Is there another sport where you can listen to the strategy of the participants? Can you imagine listening to the huddle during the Super Bowl?
4) Daytona and Talledega. 43 cars...over 200mph...inches apart...enough said.
5) Fan loyalty. A fan is a fan for life. Your driver may not have won a race in years, but you still pull for him with every pass. He may be well out of points contention, but he could still win today's race...and that's why you cheer him on.
6) Personalities. You could root for the soft-spoken all around nice guy (Carl) or the complete jerk who feels it's his birthright to win every race (Go Tony!!). Trust me..this sport gives you many options.
7) Martinsville and Bristol. ...there's a lot of bumping and grinding. This also is exciting.
8) I don't have the guts to do it. I would stand in the batter's box and face any Major League pitcher. I wouldn't even see the ball, much less get close to hitting it...but I would still try. I would square up with any fullback in the NFL in full pads. He would leave cleat marks on my face...but I would still try. I would guard Shaq. He would throw me around like a rag-doll before dunking over my head...but I would still try. Ask me to get behind the wheel of 800hp, surrounded by 42 cars, bumper-to-bumper at 210mph, knowing that one tiny mistake from the guy five cars ahead could send me airborn...And I'd say NO WAY. Hence my respect for the guys doing it, and doing it well. You gotta love this sport.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Whose your Daddy?!?
Okay, so you all knew this would happen tonight once I heard the news. Xavier Nady and Damaso Marte traded to the Yankees for prospects. Prospects that I'm sure will either be busts or superstar players the good ole Buccos will just trade off in a few years. However, instead of slamming the Bucs, I'm writing instead about the team I despise the most in all of sports..that's right...the New York Yankees.
If there is a source to all that is evil in the world, my best guess is that it's the New York Yankees. The Yankees fans in their ignorance, claim that their team is so reviled because they have won more championships than any other professional sports franchise in history. But they're wrong. They Yankees are despised because they and their fans are a bunch of blind, arrogant fools who are so wrapped up in their self-conceived views of greatness that they fail to realize their team is destroying the fabric of all that is pure in baseball. The real astounding part in all of this, is that you can tell a Yankee fan this, but they'll still think you only hate the Yankees because they win. Look, I don't care if you've won 26 championships. You've only won four since I've been following sports. The Chicago Bulls have won six. So if I hate the Yankees because they win, how come I have never had any animosity toward the Bulls? It's really simple. It's because the Yankees are greedy, cocky, and selfish, and the Chicago Bulls, well, weren't. And still, I'd bet good money that any Yankee fan reading this at the moment is thinking to himself, "he's just jealous." Well Big John, my poor, delusional, bandwagon-hopping, friend is exactly the problem with you and your team. You would think that after years of hearing how your team has stolen all-stars from the small market teams, and are spending almost seven times more for their players than the Pirates there'd be at least a few fans who would wake up and realize that the way their team conducts business is just flat-out wrong. But they don't. And I'm convinced they never will. Because the heart of the problem with Yankees fans is that they're just too stupid to realize that their team's idea of a farm system is the other 28 teams in the league.
The real problem is that Yankees fans think that somehow they're better than every other teams fans. The reason they think that Yankee haters are jealous is because they believe that their organization and fan base is inherently superior. And that's why they justify their obscene payroll and they way they prey upon the smaller markets. They feel that they deserve to have the unfair advantage. And it's this blind arrogance that allows the Yankees and their fans to pride themselves on beating a team like the Pirates. Oh yeah..season series this year: Pirates 2 Yankees 1...take that bitches. Ya know..maybe that John Rocker fella wasn't soo far off after all because the New York Yankees are pride, greed, and disloyalty in its grossest form.
So when I read this blog back to myself I realized that when John Rocker made his comments about the New York residents on the subway, the Atlanta Braves were playing the Mets in a playoff series...not the Yankees. Wait....the Mets are from New York and also spend loads of money plucking all star players from smaller market teams...yeah...f*%k them too
If there is a source to all that is evil in the world, my best guess is that it's the New York Yankees. The Yankees fans in their ignorance, claim that their team is so reviled because they have won more championships than any other professional sports franchise in history. But they're wrong. They Yankees are despised because they and their fans are a bunch of blind, arrogant fools who are so wrapped up in their self-conceived views of greatness that they fail to realize their team is destroying the fabric of all that is pure in baseball. The real astounding part in all of this, is that you can tell a Yankee fan this, but they'll still think you only hate the Yankees because they win. Look, I don't care if you've won 26 championships. You've only won four since I've been following sports. The Chicago Bulls have won six. So if I hate the Yankees because they win, how come I have never had any animosity toward the Bulls? It's really simple. It's because the Yankees are greedy, cocky, and selfish, and the Chicago Bulls, well, weren't. And still, I'd bet good money that any Yankee fan reading this at the moment is thinking to himself, "he's just jealous." Well Big John, my poor, delusional, bandwagon-hopping, friend is exactly the problem with you and your team. You would think that after years of hearing how your team has stolen all-stars from the small market teams, and are spending almost seven times more for their players than the Pirates there'd be at least a few fans who would wake up and realize that the way their team conducts business is just flat-out wrong. But they don't. And I'm convinced they never will. Because the heart of the problem with Yankees fans is that they're just too stupid to realize that their team's idea of a farm system is the other 28 teams in the league.
The real problem is that Yankees fans think that somehow they're better than every other teams fans. The reason they think that Yankee haters are jealous is because they believe that their organization and fan base is inherently superior. And that's why they justify their obscene payroll and they way they prey upon the smaller markets. They feel that they deserve to have the unfair advantage. And it's this blind arrogance that allows the Yankees and their fans to pride themselves on beating a team like the Pirates. Oh yeah..season series this year: Pirates 2 Yankees 1...take that bitches. Ya know..maybe that John Rocker fella wasn't soo far off after all because the New York Yankees are pride, greed, and disloyalty in its grossest form.
So when I read this blog back to myself I realized that when John Rocker made his comments about the New York residents on the subway, the Atlanta Braves were playing the Mets in a playoff series...not the Yankees. Wait....the Mets are from New York and also spend loads of money plucking all star players from smaller market teams...yeah...f*%k them too
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Hurry up and wait
So, for those of you who don't remember the heart warming story from just a few months ago-let me update you. The Detroit Lions used a 7th round draft pick to select Caleb Campbell, a safety on the Army football team. Luckily for the Lions the Department of Defense had implemented a special policy in 2005 allowing any soldier with "unique skills" to be able to get out of having to be deployed to any wartime situations..aka Iraq or Afghanistan. Campbell would be able to serve his country in a different way by being a recruiter. Extremely respectable if I say so myself. However, other people had a problem with this for some reason. They found it unfair that Caleb got a pass from having to serve overseas. Hmm...interesting considering 90% of those people probably never had the guts to sign up for military service themselves. So, perhaps from added pressure of other soldiers bitching and complaining because they didn't have skills like Caleb, the U.S. Army has decided to make a new policy which is going to make Caleb have to serve at least a year or two in either Iraq or Afghanistan...wait...the Army changed their mind on something?!? NO WAY!!
Now you can say I served or didn't serve in the Army-whatever your opinion is on that. I did complete basic training and AIT (my schooling), but never reported to my first duty station. I was in for about a year total. However, that was more than enough time to see how the Army worked. The first thing they would tell you would never come out to be true...usually the 3rd or 4th thing that was said would wind up being the truth. So, it doesn't surprise me that they would go back on their word with Mr. Campbell. However, it should matter that the policy in place at the time the Lions used a draft pick to select Caleb would allow them to be able to at least try him out. It's appalling that the DAY BEFORE he was going to report to training camp they decide..."Oh wait, we have a new policy, you have to go fight in an unnecessary war and not go play in the NFL". It's not like Caleb wasn't going to serve his country at all. He was going to be a recruiter, and what better way to get people to sign up for the Army then to have a real life NFL player knocking at your front door!! Getting a bunch more kids to join the service would have more than made up for Caleb being deployed. Now he runs the risk of being killed or..oops..accidently killed like fellow NFL player Pat Tillman who VOLUNTEERED to go overseas.
I can't help but wonder if the Army changed their minds on the policy to avoid all the media attention that Caleb certainly would have got during training camp. Perhaps they were scared of the backlash of letting him stay stateside while more and more of our brothers and sisters die overseas. Well, too bad...you're gonna receive just as much backlash now for making him go join them. And god forbid, we do have another Pat Tillman situation with Caleb, not sure the Army can ever make up for that. Luckily for the Army, Caleb has been a class act throughout all this drama, even standing behind the Army's new policy, he understood that he took an oath and he is going to fulfill it. It's just a shame the Army took advantage of a great individual. Caleb, I hope you make it back safe and fulfill your dream of making an NFL roster...just play like shit twice a year against the Vikes!! Thanks buddy
Oh yeah...GO ARMY..BEAT NAVY : )
Now you can say I served or didn't serve in the Army-whatever your opinion is on that. I did complete basic training and AIT (my schooling), but never reported to my first duty station. I was in for about a year total. However, that was more than enough time to see how the Army worked. The first thing they would tell you would never come out to be true...usually the 3rd or 4th thing that was said would wind up being the truth. So, it doesn't surprise me that they would go back on their word with Mr. Campbell. However, it should matter that the policy in place at the time the Lions used a draft pick to select Caleb would allow them to be able to at least try him out. It's appalling that the DAY BEFORE he was going to report to training camp they decide..."Oh wait, we have a new policy, you have to go fight in an unnecessary war and not go play in the NFL". It's not like Caleb wasn't going to serve his country at all. He was going to be a recruiter, and what better way to get people to sign up for the Army then to have a real life NFL player knocking at your front door!! Getting a bunch more kids to join the service would have more than made up for Caleb being deployed. Now he runs the risk of being killed or..oops..accidently killed like fellow NFL player Pat Tillman who VOLUNTEERED to go overseas.
I can't help but wonder if the Army changed their minds on the policy to avoid all the media attention that Caleb certainly would have got during training camp. Perhaps they were scared of the backlash of letting him stay stateside while more and more of our brothers and sisters die overseas. Well, too bad...you're gonna receive just as much backlash now for making him go join them. And god forbid, we do have another Pat Tillman situation with Caleb, not sure the Army can ever make up for that. Luckily for the Army, Caleb has been a class act throughout all this drama, even standing behind the Army's new policy, he understood that he took an oath and he is going to fulfill it. It's just a shame the Army took advantage of a great individual. Caleb, I hope you make it back safe and fulfill your dream of making an NFL roster...just play like shit twice a year against the Vikes!! Thanks buddy
Oh yeah...GO ARMY..BEAT NAVY : )
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The Olympics are coming!! Who gives a s*%t?!?
I don't know about all of you but I'm getting sick and tired of the Olympics. It has done nothing but taken up half of my Sports Illustrated for the most two months and all we're talking about here is the stupid qualifying. Not to mention every time I see ANOTHER world record being broken I wonder how much doping it took to acheive that. The Olympics have become nothing but endorsement struggles between athletes..wait, I guess that's all sports. But still, the Olympics are supposed to be about pride for your country...okay, then why don't I still give a shit?? Perhaps it's because there is too much coverage now? Or maybe because other than the USA basketball team I can't name more than 3 Olympians??
I know there is lots of shit on T.V. today, but this has to be the worst. Every four years it comes back with more competitors. I don't give a shit about who the best swimmer at a four hundred yard individual medley is, or who is best at gymnastics. I don't think anyone does. All these people shit their lives away practicing to win in these events for what? A chance at winning a medal? That's right, in case you didn't notice, you aren't famous. You don't have anything but a medal. I'm sure the only thing the people do with such a medal is show it off to family and friends. Yeah, good job fuck face, you have the perfect life. Only one problem, that's all you get. When you could have been applying for a job at McDonalds you had to be pissing all that time away trying to make your dreams come true. Seriously, every occupation is better than the Olympics. If your children ever went into the Olympics, you would probably be a very disappointed parent. At least when you work at Pizza Hut, twenty or more people might remember your name. You get these fancy name tags and everything. Well anyway, the Olympics suck and people that compete in the Olympics suck more. Heck, they have even created a Special Olympics. This is much more entertaining. Cripples running races and swimming is so much more enjoyable than watching normal people try their hardest to win and just get shit on as some other idiot wins. If you ever meet someone from the Olympics, take pity on them and tell them how they can change their lives. No, just punch them for me.
I know there is lots of shit on T.V. today, but this has to be the worst. Every four years it comes back with more competitors. I don't give a shit about who the best swimmer at a four hundred yard individual medley is, or who is best at gymnastics. I don't think anyone does. All these people shit their lives away practicing to win in these events for what? A chance at winning a medal? That's right, in case you didn't notice, you aren't famous. You don't have anything but a medal. I'm sure the only thing the people do with such a medal is show it off to family and friends. Yeah, good job fuck face, you have the perfect life. Only one problem, that's all you get. When you could have been applying for a job at McDonalds you had to be pissing all that time away trying to make your dreams come true. Seriously, every occupation is better than the Olympics. If your children ever went into the Olympics, you would probably be a very disappointed parent. At least when you work at Pizza Hut, twenty or more people might remember your name. You get these fancy name tags and everything. Well anyway, the Olympics suck and people that compete in the Olympics suck more. Heck, they have even created a Special Olympics. This is much more entertaining. Cripples running races and swimming is so much more enjoyable than watching normal people try their hardest to win and just get shit on as some other idiot wins. If you ever meet someone from the Olympics, take pity on them and tell them how they can change their lives. No, just punch them for me.
The Brett Favre Situation
Okay, so a couple of my friends have been asking me how I would really feel about Brett Favre possibly becoming a Minnesota Viking. Well, it’s time for my response.
Favre has decided he wants to come back. Of course, he hasn’t confirmed that he’s coming back. That would take far too much decisiveness and leadership. Plus it would bring closure to the story. And what fun would that be?
No, no. Favre only wanted to HINT at the idea that he was coming back, so that the media could spend weeks speculating over his return. And presumably so fat Wisconsinites could write to him saying, “Please come back, Brett! While Favre “ponders” coming back and lets the threat of his return loom over the team like a giant fart cloud for a few months, he has put the Packers in a position where they get utterly screwed no matter what choice they decide to make once Favre makes up his mind. They can take Favre back, in which case Aaron Rodgers angrily bolts in 2009. They can cut Favre in which case they get nothing in return, along with having to live with the fact that they cut poor Brett. Or they can trade Favre. Media law dictates that columnists evaluate every other NFL team as a potential landing spot for Favre. And a great many of them have decided that the best fit is Minnesota.
Now, the odds of Favre becoming a Viking are slim to none. Ted Thompson and the Packer front office would rather eat shit and die than trade Favre to a division rival. In the case of the Vikings, many people who don’t follow the team like I do don’t know that Brad Childress is the most stubborn, pigheaded coach in the NFL. Childress traded up to draft Tarvaris Jackson, stuck by him all through last year, and has brought in virtually no competition at the position this off-season. Oh wait…I forgot about bringing in Gus, the second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania. He’s been hyping up Jackson to anyone who will listen. He has little to no interest in making himself look bad by bringing in Favre (thus conceding that Jackson isn’t ready to carry the load). There’s also the little fact that Favre imploded in the NFC Championship in January, so the idea of him as the final piece of a championship puzzle may be overstating things just a bit. Even if I do believe the Vikings are perhaps just a decent quarterback away from being a serious contender. So it’s probably not happening. But what if it did? What if the world flipped upside down and Favre did end up in a Viking uniform?
I have spent the past 15 years nursing my hatred for Brett Favre. I’ve brought up my hate. Raised it. Fed it. Taught it valuable lessons. If my hate were a child, he’d be off to Hate College in just a couple years. He’d probably major in Death Threats. My hate and I, we don’t even need to use words to communicate anymore. We can just give each other a subtle glance and know exactly what kind of horrible fate we’d like Favre to experience. You see? My hate and I are very much on the same page. I can hate Brett Favre for so many different reasons. Lord knows he’s snatched a game or two away from my team in the fourth quarter. I can hate him, as many do, for the amount of praise he gets from writers and analysts. I can hate him for those goddamn Wrangler jeans ads. I wore Wranglers when I was a little boy. They weren’t real comfortable at all. They were stiffer than construction paper. I can even hate children who like him. Stupid kids. This hate has been with me so long, I don’t ever want to be apart from it. I love my hate. It brings me great joy.
But here’s the thing about my hate: it’s mostly an illusion. If Favre was the exact same person and had played for MY team and not the goddamn Packers, I would of course adore him. But he doesn’t play for my team, so fuck him. So why do I hate his guts so much? Well, because I can. The reason we sports fans hate is because it’s the only acceptable place in the world to hate. You can’t hate people of other races. That’s wrong. But you can sure as shit hate people of other teams. Sports allow us to hate without consequence. If we just went around liking everything, we’d all be miserable. Sports are a relatively safe place for our cruelty.
My hate for Favre isn’t personal, I’m sure he’s a swell guy. To me, it’s just a role I play as a fan. Favre plays for my team’s rival. So it’s my job to hate every fiber in his body. That’s why I don’t want Favre to join my favorite team. I’ve enjoyed hating him for so long. It’s practically all I know. If he joined the Vikings, I’d have to root for him. That’s my job as a fan. I’d have to leave my hate behind. And that would be a tragedy. This hate has been so good for me as a person. It’s really helped me mature.
So I say to Brett Favre: please come back and play for the Packers. Don’t play for my team. I want to fall in hate with you all over again. My hate and I will welcome you with open arms. And then we will use those arms to throw broken bottles at you.
Favre has decided he wants to come back. Of course, he hasn’t confirmed that he’s coming back. That would take far too much decisiveness and leadership. Plus it would bring closure to the story. And what fun would that be?
No, no. Favre only wanted to HINT at the idea that he was coming back, so that the media could spend weeks speculating over his return. And presumably so fat Wisconsinites could write to him saying, “Please come back, Brett! While Favre “ponders” coming back and lets the threat of his return loom over the team like a giant fart cloud for a few months, he has put the Packers in a position where they get utterly screwed no matter what choice they decide to make once Favre makes up his mind. They can take Favre back, in which case Aaron Rodgers angrily bolts in 2009. They can cut Favre in which case they get nothing in return, along with having to live with the fact that they cut poor Brett. Or they can trade Favre. Media law dictates that columnists evaluate every other NFL team as a potential landing spot for Favre. And a great many of them have decided that the best fit is Minnesota.
Now, the odds of Favre becoming a Viking are slim to none. Ted Thompson and the Packer front office would rather eat shit and die than trade Favre to a division rival. In the case of the Vikings, many people who don’t follow the team like I do don’t know that Brad Childress is the most stubborn, pigheaded coach in the NFL. Childress traded up to draft Tarvaris Jackson, stuck by him all through last year, and has brought in virtually no competition at the position this off-season. Oh wait…I forgot about bringing in Gus, the second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania. He’s been hyping up Jackson to anyone who will listen. He has little to no interest in making himself look bad by bringing in Favre (thus conceding that Jackson isn’t ready to carry the load). There’s also the little fact that Favre imploded in the NFC Championship in January, so the idea of him as the final piece of a championship puzzle may be overstating things just a bit. Even if I do believe the Vikings are perhaps just a decent quarterback away from being a serious contender. So it’s probably not happening. But what if it did? What if the world flipped upside down and Favre did end up in a Viking uniform?
I have spent the past 15 years nursing my hatred for Brett Favre. I’ve brought up my hate. Raised it. Fed it. Taught it valuable lessons. If my hate were a child, he’d be off to Hate College in just a couple years. He’d probably major in Death Threats. My hate and I, we don’t even need to use words to communicate anymore. We can just give each other a subtle glance and know exactly what kind of horrible fate we’d like Favre to experience. You see? My hate and I are very much on the same page. I can hate Brett Favre for so many different reasons. Lord knows he’s snatched a game or two away from my team in the fourth quarter. I can hate him, as many do, for the amount of praise he gets from writers and analysts. I can hate him for those goddamn Wrangler jeans ads. I wore Wranglers when I was a little boy. They weren’t real comfortable at all. They were stiffer than construction paper. I can even hate children who like him. Stupid kids. This hate has been with me so long, I don’t ever want to be apart from it. I love my hate. It brings me great joy.
But here’s the thing about my hate: it’s mostly an illusion. If Favre was the exact same person and had played for MY team and not the goddamn Packers, I would of course adore him. But he doesn’t play for my team, so fuck him. So why do I hate his guts so much? Well, because I can. The reason we sports fans hate is because it’s the only acceptable place in the world to hate. You can’t hate people of other races. That’s wrong. But you can sure as shit hate people of other teams. Sports allow us to hate without consequence. If we just went around liking everything, we’d all be miserable. Sports are a relatively safe place for our cruelty.
My hate for Favre isn’t personal, I’m sure he’s a swell guy. To me, it’s just a role I play as a fan. Favre plays for my team’s rival. So it’s my job to hate every fiber in his body. That’s why I don’t want Favre to join my favorite team. I’ve enjoyed hating him for so long. It’s practically all I know. If he joined the Vikings, I’d have to root for him. That’s my job as a fan. I’d have to leave my hate behind. And that would be a tragedy. This hate has been so good for me as a person. It’s really helped me mature.
So I say to Brett Favre: please come back and play for the Packers. Don’t play for my team. I want to fall in hate with you all over again. My hate and I will welcome you with open arms. And then we will use those arms to throw broken bottles at you.
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